I still love the same girl I fell in love with the first day of freshman year, and it’s still exactly the same fucking feeling. That’s the only thing that never changed about me, along with the fact that I still can’t have her. I did give up on her like I did everything else though, so maybe she’s not that special.
Everything is crumbling around me and I can feel myself drowning in each moment as I come to the realization that everything I’ve done and become is wrong. It’s not that I wasn’t aware, it’s more that as long as I keep reality out of my life I never have to worry about whether or not it’s the right thing or the wrong thing to do. And it shouldn’t be this hard to make this decision but I’m a weak coward so I can’t even quit when I’m supposed to. Even when I’ve hit the bottom of the barrel and I can feel each passing second taking its toll on my character and my conscience, I still can’t escape my own mind urging me to move forward in my persistent manner, because if I do I can prove everyone wrong, as if that’s an achievement. I haven’t achieved anything, I’m a complete failure.